One day your staring blankly at a plastic stick with a little pink line wondering how the f**k your gonna cope with a baby at 19.
The next your wondering if those niggles you’re getting in your huge belly are the result of the burger you inhaled at 1am the night before or real life big girl pants Contractions.
You then wonder if it’s normal for this tiny little thing to produce green poo…the book never mentioned it being green! You better not ask because your a kid yourself and they think your gonna fail anyway.
You look at her chocolate covered face at her 1st birthday and wonder what the hell you stressed for. She’s perfect, happy, healthy even if she is as bald as an egg!
Everything is laid out shiny shoes, crisp white socks, itchy grey jumper… All at the bottom of her big bed awaiting her first day in school. Her bald head produced a head full of curls… Worth waiting for 2 years for 😂
You watch while she walks in front of you as you walk up the aisle to marry her dad. This is one of those moments life stood still.
You try and keep a brave face through utter devastation. She remains your constant. Knowing your heart is breaking.
You look around at the familiar walls you left not 16 years before, the same smell, teachers the same feel. You cannot believe that little thing that kept me awake half the night at 19 when you should have been out doing shots is starting 1st year.
Today. Results day. No need to stress it’s pointless now. Don’t be nervous, she’ll be fine. You can imagine her belly full of butterflies waiting for the envelope. Screams of delight ring out and you know she is cursing having a surname so far down the alphabet.
It’s not letters on a page that define her rather her soul, her heart, and her kindness. Your time being her protector and steerer is running out fast and you just can’t believe it. She’s grown into a beautiful independent young girl and you’d like to think that kid who wasn’t sure of that green poo and was looked at with pity when you pushed your buggy around town has had a little something to do with it.
Congratulations mini-me on your JC results ❤️
If you would like to read about what it was like having a baby at 19 I wrote a post on it here