Benny the Begrudger

The notion of begrudgery fascinates me, I went to look it up the meaning of the word and it is listed as an Irish informal word. I always thought of it as a very Irish thing to do but it seems the word was formed to describe a uniquely Irish tendency. Even as I type here the word is underlined in red because WordPress does not recognise it!

So why are Irish people so begrudgent? When the Euro Millions was won recently you could feel the begrudgery in the cold misty air. If small talk could trend on twitter “Sure, that’s too much money for one person to have” would be number one and “It‘ll bring nothing but trouble to them!” would have been number 2. This is begrudgery in its purest form, trying to reduce a persons happiness by adding doubt or misery to the situation. Now don’t get me wrong, I was one of those people who said the above statements. I am not sitting here pretending to be Holier than Thou. But think back, was your first thought after hearing 88 million was won in Ireland, “Shite! I should have done the fekin lotto! That could have been me!”

Just think about it though “That’s too much money for one person”… do you think the person/s who won that money rocked up to Lotto headquarters and said “Listen lads, that too much money for me, I’ll just take half, cos it’ll only bring trouble to me door”. No I doubt they did nor they will. What they do with their money is nobody else’s business, obviously, if you lived in another country, but as they probably live in Ireland they wont be able to take a piddle in their newly furnished bathroom without someone commenting on it!mrs-doyle

I was born in the 80’s and as such my earliest memories hail from the Lycra laden decade. This is where I am sure begrudgery was at its peak! The following is a comprehensive but not exhaustive list of “begrudgery victims” if you will:

  • Farmers (any farmer, no matter if they had 1 duck or a herd of cattle. They were all labelled as “Big Farmers” who do nothing but cry over the great spell of weather everyone else was enjoying!

 

  • Young people who went to third level. “Oh yea! a secretarial course wasn’t good enough for them! They’ll be off to Dublin now to study for a “BIG JOB!” (Whatever a big job is?!)

 

  • Emigrants. The economy was diabolical for the majority in the 80’s and early 90’s. These young people who flew off to JFK from Shannon or Dublin were given an emigrants wake and the people were so upset for their poor mothers. “Fair play to them, they’ll send a couple of dollars home every month for their mother when they get settled”, you’d hear them say. The first visit back home be 1 or 10 years later, these heroes who flew off to make their fortune working in ‘Merica’ were labelled as “Big Shots” or they’d whisper, “Look at them, the yanks are home thinking they’re better than us. Its far from coffee they were reared! They’re not in Man- HaTTan now!”

 

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You know how we have a metaphorical ‘devil’ and ‘angel’ on our shoulders? Well I truly believe the minute we hear someone else’s good news, achievements or basically doing anything that is outside the (their) box, this little leprechaun shaped figure peeks out from the side of our head. Lets call him Benny, Benny the begrudger. Someone opens up a business in a small village or town, up pops Benny. Someone has a huge white wedding inviting hundreds of people, up pops Benny, someone goes off on their second holiday of the year, Benny nearly breaks his neck popping up here! Someone starts a blog and uses their social media to push their blog (yes, yes I know, why not?!) Benny pops up “Who do they think they are ‘blogging’, what do they know about what they’re trying to talk about?!” Having Benny there doesn’t make us any less happy/delighted for their success or happiness and we will all nod our heads and say “Fair play to them“. That’s the outward emotion, Benny, well Benny is definitely kept inward for fear people would think less of us!

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We all do it, including myself on a daily basis, but I am trying my best to be aware of it when I do it. If I see a mum at the school gate looking slim and glam I’ll try not to give her a side eye and presume shes had lipo/personal training cos how else does she look so well. When I see people getting their dream job,  I will stop wining “why can’t I find a job, haven’t I studied enough? Aren’t I smart enough, young enough, blah blah blah”... Instead I have been focusing on how they deserve the job and my turn will come from the many interviews I rock up to, I will stumble upon my perfect job. Its hard bloody work trying to get rid of Benny, he’s in our DNA as Irish people, he’s running through our veins along with Barry’s tea and Tayto.

It makes us unique and granted to hear us go on it can be funny. Even reading this, Benny is peeping through…isn’t he??!!

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How’ya lads I’m Benny!

So that’s my little tongue in cheek look at begrudgery, hope it gave you a giggle anyway! Any more thoughts or musings on it leave a comment!

Tracey xx

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The Weight on my Mind.

xti9b3rAh January, a new year, new starts, marketing departments within all areas are limbering up to deliver their “New Year New You” mantra. Whether it be beauty regimes, healthy eating, fitness, gym gear, running apparel… the list goes on and on. If you think about it its the sloth like activities we displayed during the last 2 weeks of December they are trying to poke guilt at and yes the majority of us ate and drank to excess and in general were very static on some couch or high stool somewhere around the country but that along with a couple of weeks on holiday if you were lucky enough during the whole 52 weeks of the year is the only time that we do go to the extremes with food over such a long period. It just so happens this Christmas excess falls right next to a New Year, its pure coincidence and a money maker for different industries. That rant is the science bit of New Year guilt!

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I was thinking about resolutions and the fact that I don’t make them because I think they are pointless, but then I began to think back. Four years ago I gave up smoking on January 4th, two weeks later I began a fitness journey in my local gym because I felt I couldn’t afford to pile on any more weight from quitting smoking which I had done before. It was initially 28 day program, complete clean eating and 3 sessions in the gym every week. I was a size 14/16 (I am only 5 2) that first day I was introduced to a burpee by the May/ June I was wearing a size 12 comfortably and I was the fittest I had ever been in my 31 years. Was it a coincidence that this journey began in the New Year? If you smoked you know you need to be ready to quit the fags, a new year does will not help your mindset in any way if you are not ready to quit. I guess I was ready and the gym were offering the program coincidentally in January?!

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I am a marketers dream when it comes to weight loss to be fair. I have been self conscience of my weight since I was 11 years old, I have an old diary that goes in to great detail about how 11 year old Tracey thought her thighs were huge and they wobbled way too much. This complex continued on my whole teenage life, but the thing is when I was 16 and thought I was obese I was 7.5 stone??? I genuinely thought I was heavy. Looking back at that girl I feel for her because whoever or whatever got in her head at an early age made her not like what she seen in the mirror, I wish I could go back and stand behind that young girl and clear the shit from her head to see what everyone else saw, a gorgeous young girl. BUT that’s why hindsight is such an amazing thing right?! After I had my first daughter I did pile on real weight, emotional and pounds. I was 19 I had just had a baby my friends were off doing their thing at the weekends, so I just ate to fill an emotional void. I did this until I was 22 and I discovered CURVES…remember that? I lost quite a bit of weight and I was feeling good. I went back to college and I simply did not make the time to work out so over the next 4 years studying for my degree the weight crept on again and the demons were back in my head. By the time I had finished my final exam I was eating meal replacement bars and shakes twice a day as my wedding was the following month. It was pure panic. The crazy diet thing was nothing new for me though, I was always on some fad from a young age: cabbage soup, Atkins, starvation, celebrity slim you name it I put it in a soup or a shake! download-18

In recent years my struggle with weight wormed its way towards my mental health. I found I go through phases of anxiety and being very down where I see nothing positive at all. I might have 5 bad days a month but they were a real struggle. When I began working out 4 years ago I did not have a bad day the whole time, I had moments where I felt shitty but working out had giving me a balance in my mind that was worth so much more than losing all the weight in the world. I gained some great friends from being at the gym. It cleared all the crap my brain was storing up for me, I didn’t need as much sleep and I slept better, I had more energy than ever before and in general I was a better person, for me and my family.

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I became pregnant with my second daughter Grace towards the end of that year and we lost her at 28 weeks, when I felt ready to go back to the gym a few months on I could not get back into the mindset I had the year before. I half halfheartedly went to class but I may as well have stayed in bed. When my youngest was 10 weeks old I once again went back to the gym, that’s 17 months ago now and I am not looking back. Yes there have been weeks where I just about made it in to one class and my weekend cheat meal would spill over to the middle of the following week and I felt it not only in my jeans but in my head, I would wake up full of dread for the day. I now know how to mind my mind as well as my jean size.

The past few weeks of eating too much and not moving enough has caused that shitty black cloud to form over me once again. So I have decided its not a new year resolution I intend to make rather an update to my current operating system! I aim to get rid of the bugs within my system and delete all the crap to free up some more space for positivity and balance. I am looking forward to cutting out sugar, wheat, dairy, alcohol and caffeine from my system for at least 30 days and getting back to gym this Thursday to try and hit at least 4 sessions per week. I feel like shit right now, but I know how I will feel in 2 months and that feeling tastes so much better than any Chinese or chipper does. I know  EVERYONE is on the same bandwagon right now but I feel by writing this all down it will give me a little bit more of a head start on getting back to fitness, eating better and a better mindset.

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I will always have an issue with my weight even if I ever get down to my target jean size, its imprinted in my brain, its never going to leave me. But I will live with that niggle as long as I retain that much longed for mindful balance. I always thought losing weight would cause me to have a more positive outlook but in actual fact, working out creates mental positivity that in turn helps with losing weight and being healthier and feeling good about myself when I look in the mirror.

Its not just about losing the weight from my hips and mum tum anymore, whats more important for me is losing that weight in my mind that causes that dreaded imbalance. So…my 2017 update begins Thursday with my first workout at 7am at my gym Functional Fitness and I am genuinely looking forward to it! I am going to try to keep my social media updated with meal prep and plans etc. so if you would like to join me please do!

Thanks for reading and a very healthy and Happy New Year to everyone

Tracey xxxx

 

 

 

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